Memories of St. Vincent de Paul Parishioners/Friends

On the Wednesday of Holy Week, I got the news that I have been accepted to start ministry with the Canadian Forces as a Chaplain. In order to avoid the news getting to my parishioners from other sources, I decided to inform them after the Holy Thursday Mass of the Lord's Supper. As I think of it now, I feel it was divine providence that created the condition since it was the one day when the faithful are supposed to keep a vigil in silence as they Lord begins His Agony in the Garden. I know that to me, it felt like an agony in the garden as two of our altar servers who served at the Chrism mass actually noticed that there was something different about me that night. Though I felt like it was so much of a burden to ask people to be silent at the announcement that their pastor will be leaving in a few weeks to join the Forces but I had no control.
As I sit here in my room at the CFB Trenton, I keep playing back the memories of all that took place from the moment I made the announcement to the time day the house was cleaned after the movers loaded everything in their truck. Even though I will not be able to write everything down, I have to say that it was also a period of emotional turmoil for me. This stems from the reality that I have known the parishioners of St. Vincent de Pau and had developed a bond which I hope distance will not break.
I have to state that I miss all the people and often think of the different functions we held, the jokes and laughts as well as the smiles that marked the welcoming spirit in the parish. All these I will always cherish. I will talk later about my journey to Trenton and how things are going so far. Keep the faith and always remember, "GOD LOVES ALL OF US"

Anger (continued)

One of the principal causes of anger is the feeling of "entitlement." It is quite easy for one to acquire the habit of thinking and believing that the world, other people, or God owe him/her, and that people ought to behave in accordance with his/her perceived way of doing things. This mode of thinking could be attributed to the reality that in our culture today, people expect to inherit material things from other family members or parents. It is almost as if one expects it and if for any reason that is not the case, one feels disappointed. The reality is that the only thing any one owes us is respect and honouring our dignity as felow human beings. We ought to work to earn any other thing we need in life, including the love and affection of others. Love and affection as well as the respect that flows from them cannot be forced out of people either by intimidation or violence (verbal or physical). In stead of helping, being angry or acting out one's anger diminishes the ability of people to trust each other and thereby reduces the possibility of harmony.

As we noted earlier, there may be situations where one may become angry. Even in the Scripture, Christ became angry at those who turned His Father's house into a marketplace. The reason behind this is that they have turned away the gentiles and were using the Court of the Gentiles for their trading and exchange. Now one has to understand the way the Jerusalem Temple was built and the distinctions made from the Holy of Holies, the Court of the Priests, the Court of the Israelites, the Court of Women and Children and the Court of the Gentiles. Jesus wanted everyone to be accepted in His Father's house but the religious leaders of his time were barely tolerant of the ones seen as being outside the covenant community.

So the other reasons that lead to anger are intolerence and lack of acceptance. While these two words may seem easy to understand, the reality is that we do not have to just tolerate other people, we must love them. This is the greatest command of God - love the Lord your God, and your neighbourfor upon these the laws and the prophets make meaning. Of course many people of the time of Jesus thought that their neighbour is only the one who professes the same religious belief, comes from the same cultural background and/or has the same outlook to life. Christ corrected this is the parable of the Good Samaritan. Paul explains what it really means to live a life of love when he tells us in 1 Corinthians 12 that:
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

Based on this, love helps one put life in perspective. So one can deduce that uncontrolled anger could be pointing to undealt with issues which may be related to love of oneself, love of others, or love of God.

Anger

What is anger? Anger is a very strong emotional feeling which is triggered by the perception of being wronged or offended by another, either by the other’s use of words, action or perceived body language. It can be quite strong and may lead to the need to react either by words or actions which is often hostile towards the perceived offender. Often anger originates from the reality that people approach life situations and issues differently and can react to the words and actions of others differently depending on their emotional and physiological states of mind. There is no doubt that certain actions could lead most people into being angry, especially when they go contrary to the perceived ways of doing things or good manner of speech. There are probably actions and words which would certainly trigger the emotion of anger in most people, for instance, a senseless killing or abuse of an innocent person. There are also situations which may not be as grave as these but may trigger anger in some people and not in others depending on what rationale one associates with the action.


Most people once in a while get angry (which should not be mistaken for resentment). There is the need to control or manage one’s anger as reacting from the initial flow of emotions often lead to over-reaction and eventual regret. There are classes that deal with anger management in different areas. This points to the realization that sometimes one’s reaction to a situation may be more than the action calls for. This can be seen in a case where a person out of anger over another stepping on his well-maintained lawns takes up his gun and shoots at the perpetrator. Maybe the original intent was to scare him, but the outcome may be death. This situation actually played out in the States a couple of years ago (I cannot remember in what city. I could research on this if there is need for that). We often encounter such in our own lives where we wonder after the fact, why we even reacted to a situation, let alone react in such a severe manner.

The psychological and physiological effects of anger are still subjects of study. What effects anger has on one’s physiological reactions and life expectancy is also still a subject of study. However, it is important to realize that uncontrolled anger can lead one to a situation s/he may regret for the rest of the individual’s life. For instance, if one were to disown her/his child in a moment of anger (this has happened a couple of times), though s/he may apologize for it, the words spoken cannot be taken back (even if one verbally states that s/he has recanted the words). This can be seen also in the Scripture where it states that “My words do not return to me until they have fulfilled what they are sent to do.” We all know that the moment we say something, it has effects on others, good or bad and one cannot just say, “I did not say it or I did not mean what I said” even if the individual does not mean exactly what came out. The reality is that every word we speak has effects on people, good or bad.

So, anger has effects both on the individual who gets angry and on the ones around him/her. Sometimes people get angry at their loved ones for dying. I encountered such a situation at the sudden death of a young man who died from a massive heart-attack. His wife was quite upset and angry at his leaving her with three children to raise alone. While we know that this kind of situation can be overwhelming for an individual who was used to having help from the other, it was also important to look at it from the perspective of the one who is dying or one who died. I started my discussion with the young widow by asking her if her husband ever planned to hurt her, to which she replied “NO.” Through the course of our discussion, she realized that left to him, he would have liked to live longer, but at that moment when death came, he had no power over what happened to him, he could not control the situation. We all see this playing out when one is about to die. I am certain that most people, especially those who die young, would have liked to live longer healthier life, to see their children grow, get married and have their own children. I am sure that they probably would have liked to have an opportunity to see, play, and bond with their grandchildren. It is important for us to realize that our family members who die often want the best for us but are unable to control what happens to them.

There is also another situation where a couple were having an argument which seemed to be quite often and led to bursts of anger. The husband hit his wife out of anger and the wife called the cops since she felt she was at the end of her leash. Unfortunately, he could not control his anger. This led to a series of things. One, he ended up in jail. Then he lost his family (which was probably what he was trying to keep intact when he got angry). Finally, he could not re-establish the pure parental filial relationship with his children. A moment of rage and anger could lead to so much emotional and psychological suffering which may have lasting impact on one’s life. St. James tell us in the Scripture, “Do not let resentment lead you into anger. The sunset must not find you still angry. Do not give the devil its opportunity.” I believe that if one has anger issues, s/he needs to try to deal with it and not let it control her/his life and interactions with others. There is the need to get to the root of the anger for quite often, it is not necessarily the situation at hand that triggers the outburst but a combination of other factors, some often unknown or unconscious to the individual at the point they get angry.