My journey to Nigeria

As I prepared to embark on this journey, I quickly began to realize how uncertain life can be and how the things we know and take for granted can easily vanish - the hopes and dreams, relationships, and even our life on this earth. All that remains is memory of the beautiful and good old days of blissful living, a time of innocence when the notions of loss seemed remote and our own mortality seldom crossed one‘s minds. Now I have to return to reality.


I had known that this will probably be the most difficult journey of my life so far. As I prepare to go spend time with my younger sister who had been struggling with adult deep-tissue melanoma cancer for over six years, a sense of fear overwhelmed me, fear of the unknown, fear of another major goodbye within the span of a year and half (this could make it the third one unless there is divine intervention in accordance with my wishes). I also worry about our beloved mother who has gone through a lot within those years with the sudden death of my father through heart-attack, the death of my father’s only sister through my grandmother, and now the possibility of the death of her own daughter. In faith, I entrusted all in God’s hands. Now, it is time to face reality!

When I arrived in Lagos, Nigeria, I realized that in stead of the usual one hour ride from the airport to Enugu, I would need to go by bus. The local airport runway in Enugu had been closed for update and will not be opened until late this year or early next year. So after spending the night in Lagos, I decided to take the early bus for what should have been a five and half to six hours journey. The journey was delayed for over an hour as confusion reigned from the ticket sales, to the weighing station (for loads/luggages), to the tagging station (for tagging all lugages). In the end, the luggage loaders eventually loaded all goods and we boarded. This was actually the easiest part of this leg of the journey. So, our journey began, and on and on the driver slowly inches his way out of Lagos and on the road to Enugu.

As we journeyed on, we noticed every vehicle passing us. We started to joke about the possibility that we would be the last of the many buses to reach our destination. I looked and saw that the speed limit for this very ABC bus was 90km per hour! The air condition in the vehicle sounded like the engine of a small engine plane going through turbulence. The road conditions coupled with the aging bus did not help the matter. There were several sections of the stretch of the only highway that leads from the South Western city of Lagos to the South Eastern state of Enugu that are badly in need of repair. Needless to say that we also passed some vehicles that broke down, with people by the roadside waving to see if we had any space available, but we were fully loaded and had no unoccupied seat. So, the journey went on with a mixture of paved sections, dusty sections, bumpy washed off sections, pothole sections and some stretches of better paved sections. The one good thing is that the TV in the bus was not operating so we had time to chat, joke, talk about whatever we passes, some slept (and woke and slept and woke) while some just looked out the window.

Soon after the pit stop in Benin City, we continued as the sky started turning darker, then came the rain. It rained, and rained, and rained! Unfortunately even with the bad weather, some of the smaller buses “flew” past us. Just about five minutes after we left the pit stop, we came upon an accident that just occurred. It was heart-breaking to see the lifeless body of a baby by the road, and a couple of people still trying to make it out of the overturned vehicle. Some people stopped to offer help. As our journey continued, I wondered why this little baby had to loose her life (as well as the other people who died). I wondered why the driver did not slow down in spite of the heavy rain storm. While many of us complained about the slowness of our driver, I began to realize that if we sped, we may get to the limits of disobeying the law of physics - speed versus slippery condition. The higher the speed is on a slippery condition, the more difficult it is to control the vehicle and the more likelihood of an accident occurring. Maybe God has a reason for us entering the slow moving bus. By the time I finally got to my mother’s in Enugu, it was already 11.00pm. So, the journey which should have taken me just over five hours ended up taking me 17 hours!

As soon as I got into the house, I went straight to see Blessing. Though in bad health, she was so happy to see me. She smiled but could not say much. I gave her a hug and spent some time with her. Soon after, she went to sleep for the night. The following morning, we celebrated the Eucharist with Blessing, mom, my older sister Martina, my cousin Chidiebere, my younger brother Anthony, and my niece Chioma. I know that Blessing understood most of the things we did even if she was not responding nor using any of the gestures. During communion, she received the Body and Blood of our Lord by intinction. She surprised me by responding, Amen. She could still say one or two words at a time but not much more. I thank God for the blessing of being present to her at her hours of need and being a support for my mother and my other brothers, Ifeanyi, Celes, and Hilla who would most certainly like to be here with all of us but could not at the moment. I know they all struggle with the situation as well. We talk a few times each day over the phone and they all make sure to speak to Blessing even though she may not respond except to say “Hello.”

Monday afternoon presented some difficulty as I had to discuss with my mother the possibility that we may not receive the kind of miracle we have been praying for. Soon after, mom went into her room and sat on a chair by her prayer corner, prayed, cried and lamented. I can see the pains in her as we all gathered around her and tried to console her. It was very painful to see her going through this. Mom has not had it very easy, having lost both parents when she was still about 8 years and having moved from one uncle to the other until she was old enough and met my father. One would think that life would be easy on her, NO!. After being engaged to my father and going through the pre-marriage instructions given by the nuns in those days, mom was getting ready for their wedding which was already fixed when my father became sick. The illness was such that they had to cancel her wedding and wait for one more year while my father recovered. At a stage, she thought that my father was going to die and she told us that she prayed so much and told God that if he died, she too will be lost as she could not see life without him. Her prayers were answered, and he made a full recovery. Their wedding was celebrated by the whole parish both as a thanksgiving to God and as a way of sharing their special day with all the people who helped and stood by them during their months of trial.

Mom’s next big trial came when my grandmother became sick and was bedridden. Mom became her primary caretaker and even after it was virtually impossible for her to do much, she ended up being with her most of the days in the hospital. The practice in the hospitals in Enugu is that the family did all the cleaning, bathing and washing of the things their loved ones use. So, mom did all these with help from her friends and a few family members. She did this until my grandmother died. That is not the end of her ordeal! She also went through my father dying suddenly of heart-attack and the process of planning to bring his remains for funeral and burial in Nigeria. Just after a year of this happening, my aunt (my father’s only sister from my grandmother) died after a long period of And now this! So one can understand her lamentation. After praying through her tears, we all watched pictures of my nephew and niece in Switzerland.

Later on Monday evening, when I finally mustered the courage to do some spontaneous prayers, we had one as a family. We cried, prayed, moaned in pain, and entrusted Blessing’s situation to God inn whom we trust and still hope for a miracle however it pleases HIM. We know that God is in control. This prayer was probably the most heartfelt prayer I have ever had in my entire life.

On Tuesday morning we noticed some improvements on Blessing. She is able to say a few more words. We celebrated the Eucharist, then she was fed her breakfast by my sister Martina. After that, we all spent time in the family room until she seemed to be tired and we took her back to her room. She had a good sleep. When she woke up, we spent time with her and she was able to express that she had pain when I tried repositioning her in the bed. When I asked her if it was on her left or right side, she said, “right shoulder.” It gave me great joy to see that she was able to say this.

Reflection:

As we journeyed along the highway to Enugu, I realized that life has changed for ever for the family whose little child died from the accident along Benin expressway. I wondered what the other families whose loved ones died would feel. I also thought about the possibility that this could have been averted.

When mom prayed through her cries to God, I thought about what agony our Blessed mother must have gone through seeing her innocent child go through this excruciating process of carrying the cross for which he prayed that the father take away from him. Was he surprised that God did not respond the way he expected? Was he afraid of what was about to happen to him? You bet. Was he courageous to undergo it? Of course he was. Does it make it emotionally easier? Not really.

The moment that broke my heart was when mom told me that she took the mirror out of the room because on one occasion Blessing looked in the mirror and after seeing how much she changed, she started to cry. How horrible it must feel for anyone about to die, knowing that one is dying and not being able to do anything to reverse the situation. How does it feel to look so different from who knew yourself to be as a result of an illness like cancer?

As I write this, I just noticed that my tears are running down but this is just how it feels - a sense of helplessness but not hopelessness. How does it feel to know that one is losing all control, bowel and all liquid movements, motor movements, ability to articulate most things. How does it feel to hear what others are saying, want to respond to it and not be able to make out the words? How does one handle such moments of confusion when one is not sure if it is her/him or the other faces who do not understand what they want to communicate to each other?

In life, one needs to start planning in case of whatever situation s/he may encounter in the future, for the what ifs…. Life is unpredictable. Sometimes reality presents difficulties but faith in God can lead one through the most difficult situations.